Same-Sex Marriage is Finally Legal!!!

Woohoo!! Same-sex marriage is legal in all 50 states! Not gonna lie, I definitely didn't think that would be happening anytime soon. I wasn't really even sure it would happen in my lifetime. Pleasantly surprised is an incredible understatement.

I know there is a lot of focus on the political ramifications, and there is some mud-slinging going on (President Obama's 2008 opinion on same-sex marriage anyone?). But I want to focus on the most important part of this: the people. There are so many lives that are impacted by this decision, but there is still a lot of fear. Similar to when suffrage was extended to the black community and people were too scared for their lives to risk voting, there is some discrimination and hatred being shown towards the LBGTQIA+ community choosing to get married, and that's a problem. It's going to take some time for this stigma to fade.

But enough with the heavy, now I want to take a moment to celebrate!! This is amazing. This country was founded on a desire for freedom to and from religion. There was no need to put a Christian skew on legal marriage. Separation of church and state and all that. Marriage isn't just a Christian thing. It's a people thing for those that desire to be married, and now anyone can enjoy the benefits of a marriage recognized by the government. Say hello to spousal benefits. In the end, love is love. Make love, not war. #marriageequality #loveconquersall

So You're Married, Now What?

Looking back on my posts, I realize I haven't written about marriage in a while so to help balance everything out, here's my thoughts on how to be in marriage :) Disclaimer: marriage is not for everyone (this goes back to my "we are not all cookie cutter people meant to live a cookie cutter life" statement so do you in whatever relationship you choose to have).

Communicate

Communication truly is the end all be all for healthy relationships of every variety. Setting and understanding boundaries and expectations, defining goals and dreams, and discussing life as it is now are all crucial to having a positive relationship experience. If you don't feel comfortable talking about a perceived wrongdoing, you won't be able to work past it and ensure that it doesn't happen again. Roger and I would have the biggest fights ever over the stupidest things when we first got married because we had different expectations from each other. Now we have fights over things that actually matter, and our fights are meaningful discussions that are productive instead of hurtful.

Be Kind

Just be nice. This one sounds the easiest, but it's really not. In the beginning of our marriage, we weren't kind to one another. We were mean and spiteful, and it wasn't helping anyone or anything. We have agreed to new rules of engagement and have a way of dealing with pains now that is nice. Don't take your person for granted, ever. For us, marriage is forever so we're stuck with each other no matter what happens, but that doesn't mean I ever let him think I'm not grateful for him or appreciative of what he does for me. I love compliments so I give a lot of compliments. I also love making sure that he knows he's loved.

Make Time for Each Other

We like to watch a movie or a show while we eat together so that we have a block of uninterrupted cuddle time. We'll also share funny videos and chit chat and what-have-you. We also have pretty regular dates. Now that I work nights and he works days, finding time isn't as easy so we have to make time for each other. You need quality one-on-one time to foster your relationship and check in with one another. We are actually going on a couples' retreat (the military has a lot of these and many are all-expenses paid and free) to get away from the responsibilities for a few days. This is a really valuable thing in your marriage. You need to take time to remember your fun, care-free selves and grow together and have new experiences. Don't stagnate. Try new things together.

These three things are really intertwined so you just need to be in a mindset of care and compassion, and they'll come naturally. As I've said before, you win and lose together so you might as well treat each other well so you don't lose. What helps keep the happiness in your marriage? Anyone have tips and tricks from years of marriage? What fun date night ideas do you have to share?

Body Image and Success

"You look so skinny! What are you doing?"
"The same thing as always, not much, and I haven't changed at all...."

This is a conversation I have regularly, and I'm tired of it. Being skinny isn't the ultimate goal in life. Being skinny isn't what it takes to be able to prove to the world that I've made it and am worth something. The magic number that appears on the scale does nothing for me whatsoever.

Body image is something each one of us has since we all have bodies. Some of us struggle and have self-confidence/self-esteem issues or mental disorders due to body image. Some of us are content with the body we were given. Some of us are constantly striving for growth. There are many different ways for the mind to interact with the body, some healthy and some not. And that's just it, we need to have a healthy relationship with our body to preserve our mind and achieve success in whatever form desired.

I don't really know what creates the different reactions people have to their bodies. I feel like personality and life experience sums up the process, but I don't know what specifically causes people to get sick of listening to society and simply care about being healthy instead of striving for a ridiculously unattainable beauty standard. And health is the most important part.

Our bodies are like gloves for our beings. Our being is our spirit, our soul, our energy. It's the ephemeral part of us that drives us. Our bodies are just the physical shell that keeps us safe throughout our journey in this world. We need to take care of gloves, not obsess and stress and poke and prod and damage them. Yes, we only get one glove so you might as well make it what you want it to be, but make it something that's in line with your being, not an arbitrarily defined image that will never be one-size-fits-all.

Ultimately, we lose a lot of time fretting over our bodies, time we could be using to do something we truly care about. I think makeup is fun so for me, taking the time to make up my face and hair is a blast. That's not the same for everyone. Spend your time doing things you actually like and find enjoyable whether that's doing Zumba or reading a book or getting in extra cuddles with your kiddos. Whatever it is that defines success for you, work towards that instead of getting caught up in society's definition of success. Because once again, we're not all cookie cutter people meant to live cookie cutter lives.

Is body image something with which you have/had a struggle? How do you define success? What are you working towards at this moment in your life?

Hi, My Name Is Anubis

We have another addition to the family!!! His name is Anubis :) What's especially funny about this name is since Alma was originally thought to be a boy, it was supposed to be her name. But she's a girl so Anubis got passed on to this little sweetie pie.

I went to the pet store to get some more dog food when I heard the saddest mewing. I turned around and there was this little guy reaching out for me and climbing up his cage to get closer to me. I left with the dog food I came for, but a couple hours later I returned with Alma and my husband to have a meet and greet. And Anubis came home with us, too :)

We're well on our way now to completing our family! So far, Aura has decided she's the mom (again), and Achilles plays too roughly per usual. Alma has no idea what she thinks about Anubis so they've been keeping their distance aside from conversations across the couch. 

But back to little Anubis. He's our April Fool's baby which puts him at 10 1/2 weeks old, about four months younger than Alma and almost a year younger than Achilles. He's definitely a cuddler. And he's LOUD. But that's okay :) He's going to fit in just fine, I'm sure

Moving On Up in Life

We have finally picked a house!!! It's a gorgeous new construction in a good neighborhood close to base. Three bed, two bath, huge kitchen, living room with a fireplace, two car garage. AND it comes with free money. Say hello to finally owning furniture! And having a backyard for the dogs.

There will be tons of pictures once we actually move in (it's not built yet and won't be until September), and expect to see some before and after's! Which also means this blog will be morphing to include some home and garden stuff once we finally get to that point of life. I'll try to theme my days so that way you'll know what to expect on what day ;)

I am incredibly excited. We're well on our way to owning two cars and a house (we already own one car). We've accomplished quite a lot in our 2 decades of life :) And no, we don't have college degrees. Just a lot of determination and each other. It's amazing what you can do with a dream, desire, and a couple lucky breaks. I can't wait to see what our life looks like when I make it to the big 2-1.

What are your goals and dreams? What are you excited about achieving?

What's Up With Female Nipples?

There are two movements going on that I'd like to discuss today: breastfeeding in public and "Free the Nipple." Now in my mind, these two are one in the same and really all just segments of an even bigger movement. FREETHENIPPLE on Instagram has some incredibly poignant pictures and quotes regarding the Women's Rights Movement, and nearly all of the pictures on this post you can find there. I am not advertising for the movie (I haven't even seen the movie), but I would like to say I am advocating for something that is near and dear to me: women.

What's the inherent issue with breastfeeding in public? Indecency, exposure, corrupting youth with "pornographic" visuals. Because feeding a hungry child is indecent. Because nipples are always sexual. I don't see anyone throwing shade at men's nipples. What about if you're transgender? Are those nipples then male or female? Does it really even matter?

Going off the idea that the sexualization of the nipple is why breastfeeding in public is bad, that in my mind shows the link between Free the Nipple and breastfeeding. Sexualization of a part of the body that doesn't have to be is what's causing the problem. Butts are everywhere because they don't have to be sexualized. They can be if the situation calls for it, but you can plaster those things all over Facebook without any issues. But if you dare to put a FEMALE nipple up? You've called down the wrath of the Facebook police. How ridiculous and sexist is that?

 Women are taught to be ashamed of our bodies from day one. Dress codes that only apply to girls anyone? Or only certain girls? For example, I wore shorts to work one day. I was asked to go home because my shorts were too short. Next day, several other girls are wearing shorts, some shorter than mine were. No one was asked to go home. Why should I have been punished? It gets hot. Sorry I didn't feel like shaving that day. Or maybe my legs were too white. I don't know.

Men's nipples were actually still considered shameful until about 80 years ago. Men, whose nipples don't feed children, can be out in the open, but we can't flash a nip whether for feeding or because we're at the beach. Why are we still stuck in the 20th century with female nipples?

Let's get some equality going on for us. Let's all be people instead of just our genitalia. Let's all be worthwhile and respected simply because we are living organisms. Let's be just as safe as the next person because we're all people. Let's get the women's rights movement going strong again instead of continuing to stagnate.

What's your opinion on "Free the Nipple"? What's your opinion on breastfeeding in public? What do you think it will take to finally get true and complete equality across the gender spectrum?

On Caitlyn Jenner and Society

Here we go. The post to start the storm. I'm going to really try to stay unemotional through this, but I'm an empath. Me being unemotional is a huge joke. This is just one of those things that I feel very deeply for (well, really, it's just a part of the one thing I feel very deeply for: life of sentient beings). Just to outline what's going down in this post and to give you a heads up to run away if you'd like, my discussion - and I do mean DISCUSSION - for today will cover transgender as a "mental disorder," transgender and religion, and a blurb of my and some others' opinions on the whole thing.

Transgender as a "Mental Disorder"

I can't remember now where I saw it, but there was an argument claiming that transgender is a mental disorder and not a real state of being on the gender scale. P.S. it's not a gender binary with only two choices and that's it. But anywho, I am not a psychologist/neuropsychologist/or any type of scientist to dispute whether that is or isn't the case. Instead, let's pretend that it is in fact a mental disorder (I in no way believe it is, but for the sake of the point I'm wanting to make, let's pretend).

For a year and a half, I worked at a crisis hotline where I listened to people tell me about how torn up they were by their depression or sexual identity crises or scizophrenic episodes. There are support groups and counselors and some acceptance for these issues. Where is that for the transgender people? No where. It's immensely stigmatized and shoved deep into the closet to hide with the skeletons instead.

So many suicides have happened that we have finally realized the value of adding happiness and hope in life to those who are struggling with depression or anxiety or whatever other mental disorders. How many more transgender suicides have to happen before we'll see the value of adding happiness and hope in their lives as well? Better question, why does it matter who is committing suicide? Why can't we add happiness and hope to all life?

Transgender and Religion

If your argument for why Caitlyn Jenner is disgusting rests solely in your Christian beliefs, then please break it down for me advanced Barney style because I don't get it. She's a person. Love thy neighbor and all that. And don't be disrespectful by purposefully using the opposite gender pronouns from what she has asked to be used.

Now how about how we're all perfectly and wonderfully made in His image? You can't tell me God isn't some kind of intersex person with the entire range of gender. Who is to say that a transgender person is a mistake? God has to have in his possession both male and female everything if we are all to have been made in His image.

Now I'm sure there is also going to be some sexual identity arguments thrown in here though they are separate things and I'd rather focus on the gender identity part. But let's go ahead and humor the sexual arguments. Where in the New Testament does God say that homosexual marriage is wrong? He talks a lot about how you shouldn't lie with a man like with a woman out of lust and thinking that won't count as an affair. There was a great YouTube video over this, and I wish I could find it again to post it here.

Now Back to Caitlyn Jenner

Do I think Caitlyn Jenner making the transition should be this big of a deal? No. But that's because I think it shouldn't matter what other people are doing with their lives if it is in no way infringing upon the rights and personal safety of another. So she got a surgery to be happier with life and more comfortable in her own skin. She wouldn't be the first person to do that. Breast implants or lap bands anyone?

As for all the shade thrown at Drake Bell and everyone screaming bloody murder because Caitlyn isn't a war hero, why can't all of that be separate? Why do we have to measure and weigh each instance against each other? Caitlyn Jenner got a surgery and is now a pretty strong face for the transgender community. Drake Bell is now getting death threats because of a transphobic comment; it shouldn't matter why or what he did, it shouldn't be happening. Our military is amazing. I'm married to a Marine for crying out loud. But an occupation is a separate thing entirely from gender identity. Tying this back to religion, aren't all "sins" equal and none are greater than another? Why then are different aspects of life getting compared like apples to coffee tables?

Here is some great additional reading that I am absolutely in love with. My main opinion over this controversy is it shouldn't take a celebrity to make something real. We should just care about all people no matter what simply because they are people. But Jon Stewart hit the nail right on the head with how Caitlyn is now getting treated and helps to bring up an amazing point about misogyny. "It's really heartening to see that everyone is willing to not only accept Caitlyn Jenner as a woman, but to waste no time in treating her like a woman." - Jon. Hello objectification and only being worth your appearance.

And lastly, here is a great video from a girl I used to be much closer to. Kait has some great points about transphobia, and I love how far she has come in her own personal journey as a bisexual woman.

Hateful comments will be deleted. If you can't have a mature discussion, please don't comment. We're all adults and should be able to enunciate our points with a logical reason to back up what we're saying instead of just slinging stinky opinions. If you have any questions about where exactly I stand on any issue, just ask. I'll tell you. This blog post obviously could have gone on for quite a bit longer so if it feels like anything is missing or lacking clarification, let me know, and I'll fill in the gaps. AND if you like what you see and want to see some more from fellow feminist bloggers on the web, check out this awesome linkup!!!

June Goals '15

I failed. I failed on almost all of my goals for May. We have been making progress on the house hunting front, and I have written about it a little, but everything else either didn't happen or stayed about the same.

What's weird though is I am still seeing more interaction nonetheless so thank you all so much for helping this blog to grow to more people :) Since setting goals hasn't been working out too well, I'm just going to give a little bit of a life update with a general direction of where I want to go next.

House hunting is going. We should be making an offer sometime next week and getting that process started. The dogs are still annoying each other per usual. The cat has figured out how to open the freezer and zippers. I've fallen out of my fitness routine thanks to all the changes at work with getting trained for a new position. AND I have actually been clued in to another job opportunity on my horizon. As I get more information on where I stand with it, I'll let you all know more. All I'm willing to say for now is I'm super excited for it, and I have incredibly high hopes due to who recommended me.

Where I want to go next....Let's see. I'd like to see this blog continue on its path to more interaction. I'm definitely getting better about taking time to be more active myself when I get home from work and everyone but Alma is sleeping. I would love to close on a house and scout out some great furniture (we don't own any furniture aside from an office chair). But more than anything, I can't wait to have a backyard for the dogs and to start my own garden projects. It's looking like we're going to be getting into a house that we are going to get to personalize with various projects so expect to see some more DIY in the future.

But that's enough for now before my big dreams start taking off down the rabbit hole faster than I can type them out. Is anyone else bad about goals like I am? What new and exciting undertakings do you all have coming up?