Last night I got stuck at work, so when I finally got home, all I wanted to do was go to bed. I got changed into my bedtime clothes, and then when I walked out of the bathroom, I walked right into my husband. He scared me so badly I jumped back, screamed a little, and very nearly dropped my phone. He pulled me into a bear hug immediately to calm me down, and we both started laughing hysterically. But you know what? This means war!!
Usually he doesn't read these so I feel pretty safe brainstorming prank ideas with you all. So far, I've got taping a picture to the underside of the toilet seat and putting a post it on his mouse blocking the laser or being mean and putting a "sorry about the dent" note on his car. We have dogs and cats and electronics on almost every surface so I don't want to do any particularly messy pranks, but he's scared me twice. Now it's my turn. MUAHAHAHA. Ahem, excuse the evil laugh :)
Anybody got some good prank ideas? Or maybe some stories of fun times with your loved ones?
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Funny. Show all posts
Monday, July 27, 2015
Saturday, February 21, 2015
Being Sick is The Worst
I am usually one of those people that never gets sick. If it's a little cough or a headache, I don't even acknowledge it. So when I do get sick, I get SICK. Like don't touch me, my breath is poisonous sick. To top it off I have a really high pain tolerance which isn't always a blessing. It takes me altoghether too long to realize I'm hurting or that what's going on with my body is serious and needs medical attention.
That being said, I've been minorly sick on and off for a couple weeks and majorly sick for about a week now. I have been staying inside, mostly in bed, doing a whole lot of nothing and pretending to sleep. However, one day I decided to be brave and cook dinner. Before I could do that, I had to go to the store to pick up a few things: orange juice, jalapeño peppers, dog treats, a new power strip. I started preparing the dried beans so I could use them in my burritos, and then I'm off to the store.
I get everything on my list and get completely checked out before realizing I locked my keys in the car, and Roger's at work so he can't bail me out. After getting off the phone with our roommate to come help me I remember I left the beans cooking on the stove. He gets to the store in a timely fashion, we get a wire hanger to try to unlock my car, and I forgot to turn off the stove. AGAIN. The wire hanger is a complete bust so I call a locksmith who got stuck in traffic trying to get to my car.
For those of you who are lucky enough to have never locked your keys in your car, most locksmiths take cash only. I don't carry cash. He had to call his boss to see if they could run my card over the phone. Thankfully that all works out. So we're finally home with both cars. We get all the groceries upstairs, and I see the oven still on. Nothing's boiling over so small victory there.
Now since I got the dogs some treats, I decide to give the kitten a treat. Alma has terrible mouth-eye coordination. Instead of eating the treat, she punctures two holes into my thumb that bled more than they should have. The dogs think the bandaid is a weird treat and won't stop trying to chew my thumb off to get it.
Moral of the story, know your limits. I hadn't been doing anything for a week because I knew I was too sick and tired to concentrate. Friends and family exist for a reason (unless someone has a tiny baby at home, then don't you dare risk getting the little person sick).
And now that we have all read the word "sick" more times than is necessary, how has everyone been handling this winter? Anyone have any home remedies to recommend? Please tell me I'm not the only one with embarrasing stories XD
That being said, I've been minorly sick on and off for a couple weeks and majorly sick for about a week now. I have been staying inside, mostly in bed, doing a whole lot of nothing and pretending to sleep. However, one day I decided to be brave and cook dinner. Before I could do that, I had to go to the store to pick up a few things: orange juice, jalapeño peppers, dog treats, a new power strip. I started preparing the dried beans so I could use them in my burritos, and then I'm off to the store.
I get everything on my list and get completely checked out before realizing I locked my keys in the car, and Roger's at work so he can't bail me out. After getting off the phone with our roommate to come help me I remember I left the beans cooking on the stove. He gets to the store in a timely fashion, we get a wire hanger to try to unlock my car, and I forgot to turn off the stove. AGAIN. The wire hanger is a complete bust so I call a locksmith who got stuck in traffic trying to get to my car.
For those of you who are lucky enough to have never locked your keys in your car, most locksmiths take cash only. I don't carry cash. He had to call his boss to see if they could run my card over the phone. Thankfully that all works out. So we're finally home with both cars. We get all the groceries upstairs, and I see the oven still on. Nothing's boiling over so small victory there.
Now since I got the dogs some treats, I decide to give the kitten a treat. Alma has terrible mouth-eye coordination. Instead of eating the treat, she punctures two holes into my thumb that bled more than they should have. The dogs think the bandaid is a weird treat and won't stop trying to chew my thumb off to get it.
Moral of the story, know your limits. I hadn't been doing anything for a week because I knew I was too sick and tired to concentrate. Friends and family exist for a reason (unless someone has a tiny baby at home, then don't you dare risk getting the little person sick).
And now that we have all read the word "sick" more times than is necessary, how has everyone been handling this winter? Anyone have any home remedies to recommend? Please tell me I'm not the only one with embarrasing stories XD
Wednesday, February 18, 2015
The Day I Got Pantsed in The Middle of The Street
I know the title of this one is pretty intriguing, but before I dive in to the story of how this awful thing happened, I'm going to take some time to introduce you to my animals. We have two dogs and a cat. The first dog is a hot mess. Her name is Aura. She's a red nose pit bull I found outside our high school almost five years ago. After some swapping she ended up with Roger instead of me, but now we're married so I got her back. Achilles is our seven-month-old husky puppy. We say he was my engagement ring, but we were already married, and I paid for him so...meh, Roger can win this one ;). Our newest addition is a two-month-old kitten named Alma (we've got an "A" theme going). She was a shelter save so we don't really know much about her other than she's female and healthy now.
But on to the story. Last week I was having a pretty rough go of it. I was stressed out about everything: money, marriage, roommate, apartment, pets, baby Avery, finding down time. You name it, I was working myself into a tizzy because of it. And so, as this was all culminating into an implosion of incredible proportions, I was rushing to get the dogs bedded down so I could make my park date in twenty minutes. I had spent the morning cleaning. The last thing I had to do was take them outside and then lock them in their crate.
Achilles had already peed on my clean floors so I knew he didn't have to pee, but I wanted to give him a chance to take care of any other business he may have had. He accomplished nothing outside, of course. Then came Aura's turn. I got her harness and leash on her so she was ready to go. I open the door and walk out, and who follows me? Achilles. ACHILLES!! The perpetual wanderer.
I shove Aura back into the apartment and tear off down the stairs. At that exact moment Achilles was running back to me. But now we're playing chase since Mommy's coming after him. Obviously. So he sprints down the road to the clubhouse. A car is coming our way who luckily saw my flailing arms and angled his car so Achilles wouldn't be able to run onto the main street as easily. After he gets to the clubhouse, he turns around to run at me. I squat down. I'm ready to stop this dog no matter what. He's running. He's running. He's running. Then he jukes to the left. I lunge for him and manage to grab a leg. He flips and skids a little (thank God for that thick, double coat), and I tackle him! Victory is mine!
Or so I thought. Now, I may go to the gym three times a week, but I was out of breath. Trying not to lose my flip flops while running as fast as I could and figuring out how to tell Roger our dog got hit by a car wore me out. And let me tell you, a seven-month-old husky is not the lightest of creatures. So I change which side I'm holding him. Left hip. Right hip. Left hip. Right hip. And that's when it happens. He caught his foot in my right pocket and kicked. My sweat pants hit my ankles faster than I could blink at the car that drove by.
Was I embarrassed? Nah. I skipped straight to hysterical. I was laughing like a crazy person all the way up the stairs. But that dog is my baby. And more than that, he's the light in my dark days. Even the days he made dark himself. He helped me to be able to truly breathe and laugh at myself instead of being so serious all the time. My back actually released all the built up tenstion, and the stress left me. Animals really are God's gifts.
Who else has fur babies? Any ridiculous stories of when they saved you from yourselves? As much as we joke about trading them all for cats, I know dogs will always be a part of our lives. After days like that, I couldn't have it any other way.
But on to the story. Last week I was having a pretty rough go of it. I was stressed out about everything: money, marriage, roommate, apartment, pets, baby Avery, finding down time. You name it, I was working myself into a tizzy because of it. And so, as this was all culminating into an implosion of incredible proportions, I was rushing to get the dogs bedded down so I could make my park date in twenty minutes. I had spent the morning cleaning. The last thing I had to do was take them outside and then lock them in their crate.
Achilles had already peed on my clean floors so I knew he didn't have to pee, but I wanted to give him a chance to take care of any other business he may have had. He accomplished nothing outside, of course. Then came Aura's turn. I got her harness and leash on her so she was ready to go. I open the door and walk out, and who follows me? Achilles. ACHILLES!! The perpetual wanderer.
I shove Aura back into the apartment and tear off down the stairs. At that exact moment Achilles was running back to me. But now we're playing chase since Mommy's coming after him. Obviously. So he sprints down the road to the clubhouse. A car is coming our way who luckily saw my flailing arms and angled his car so Achilles wouldn't be able to run onto the main street as easily. After he gets to the clubhouse, he turns around to run at me. I squat down. I'm ready to stop this dog no matter what. He's running. He's running. He's running. Then he jukes to the left. I lunge for him and manage to grab a leg. He flips and skids a little (thank God for that thick, double coat), and I tackle him! Victory is mine!
Or so I thought. Now, I may go to the gym three times a week, but I was out of breath. Trying not to lose my flip flops while running as fast as I could and figuring out how to tell Roger our dog got hit by a car wore me out. And let me tell you, a seven-month-old husky is not the lightest of creatures. So I change which side I'm holding him. Left hip. Right hip. Left hip. Right hip. And that's when it happens. He caught his foot in my right pocket and kicked. My sweat pants hit my ankles faster than I could blink at the car that drove by.
Was I embarrassed? Nah. I skipped straight to hysterical. I was laughing like a crazy person all the way up the stairs. But that dog is my baby. And more than that, he's the light in my dark days. Even the days he made dark himself. He helped me to be able to truly breathe and laugh at myself instead of being so serious all the time. My back actually released all the built up tenstion, and the stress left me. Animals really are God's gifts.
Who else has fur babies? Any ridiculous stories of when they saved you from yourselves? As much as we joke about trading them all for cats, I know dogs will always be a part of our lives. After days like that, I couldn't have it any other way.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)