What is Marriage Really?

Something that has been coming up a lot lately in my life is marriage so I figure why not just write another post about it! One thing I have noticed a lot in my 20 years is that as the weather gets cooler, people do start to think about settling down or taking another step closer in their relationships. My guess is the holidays remind us of the importance of our loved ones, and it's too cold to really go out (I really don't like the cold XD).

Let's talk some marriage, shall we? My opinion on marriage as something that isn't for everyone still stands, but let's back up. The reasoning behind marriage has varied a lot throughout history: trading daughters for profit, marrying off daughters to build social standing, religious reasons, love, contractual arrangements. Even today there are many different reasons.

If we're completely honest, marriage is nothing more than a legal document. Because of that, marriage in the sense that we have come to know it needs to be recognized as a legal step more than anything else. In today's world, couples can live together as a cohesive family unit without the paperwork so it really isn't necessary to take that legal step unless it is something that you are wanting.

Binding yourself to one person mentally, spiritually, emotionally, physically, and legally is definitely a big step, and it takes a lot of time to undo each piece of a bond like that. I'll let you all in on a secret: if I wasn't legally married to Roger, I probably would have left. But thanks to the amount of effort it would've taken to undo everything, I decided it was less effort to give us another chance. Being married literally saved my marriage because now, after all the growing and nonsense we've gone through together, our marriage is unshakable and worth more to me than anything else I could have on this Earth.

As I keep reiterating, we're all different. Legal marriage was one of those things that I always wanted out of life, but really it is just some paperwork and benefits you don't have to have. Maybe for you and your relationship, paperwork isn't what fits best. But maybe a legal union is all you want without some of the other aspects (spiritual, physical, etc.). Moral of this story, know what exactly it is that you're wanting and why so you can make an informed decision.

What is your opinion on getting the marriage license and whole shebang as opposed to someone with a common-law marriage? Or maybe just shacking up or someone married to disguise their sexuality?

Prank Wars

Last night I got stuck at work, so when I finally got home, all I wanted to do was go to bed. I got changed into my bedtime clothes, and then when I walked out of the bathroom, I walked right into my husband. He scared me so badly I jumped back, screamed a little, and very nearly dropped my phone. He pulled me into a bear hug immediately to calm me down, and we both started laughing hysterically. But you know what? This means war!!

Usually he doesn't read these so I feel pretty safe brainstorming prank ideas with you all. So far, I've got taping a picture to the underside of the toilet seat and putting a post it on his mouse blocking the laser or being mean and putting a "sorry about the dent" note on his car. We have dogs and cats and electronics on almost every surface so I don't want to do any particularly messy pranks, but he's scared me twice. Now it's my turn. MUAHAHAHA. Ahem, excuse the evil laugh :)

Anybody got some good prank ideas? Or maybe some stories of fun times with your loved ones?

My Husband isn't My World

Now before you riot about how your spouse needs to be your top priority and how you become one and all of that, let me explain. My husband isn't my world. I never claimed him to be such, and he never will be. But let me tell you this: my husband is my future.

When we committed to being together for the rest of forever, we didn't commit to give up our individuality and the unique bits about ourselves that we love so much. And we didn't commit to give up our families and friends either. We didn't commit to being the exact same person, and we definitely didn't commit to being each other's entire lives.

I don't know about you, but I really like food. And my fur babies. And my friends. I love the possibility of change (I know, I'm kind of weird about this one). And I love not needing to have my husband to do the things I want. I go to the nail salon by myself. I take myself out to do things he doesn't like to do. I don't revolve around him. I'm still my own person, and I expect the exact same thing from him. If there's something he wants to do that I don't like, he doesn't need my permission to go have fun without me.

But deep in my heart's truth, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that he's my person, and I have no intention of leaving the path that we walk along together. He's my future. All of our big plans involve each other and changes to it are made together. But I will never ask him to sacrifice who he is and live solely for me. I want him to have passions and hobbies that don't have to include me. I don't want to be codependent on him for all of my heart's desires. That is why my husband isn't my world and never will be.

What hobbies do you and your person like to do together? What do you like to do on your own time? What all encompasses your world?

Same-Sex Marriage is Finally Legal!!!

Woohoo!! Same-sex marriage is legal in all 50 states! Not gonna lie, I definitely didn't think that would be happening anytime soon. I wasn't really even sure it would happen in my lifetime. Pleasantly surprised is an incredible understatement.

I know there is a lot of focus on the political ramifications, and there is some mud-slinging going on (President Obama's 2008 opinion on same-sex marriage anyone?). But I want to focus on the most important part of this: the people. There are so many lives that are impacted by this decision, but there is still a lot of fear. Similar to when suffrage was extended to the black community and people were too scared for their lives to risk voting, there is some discrimination and hatred being shown towards the LBGTQIA+ community choosing to get married, and that's a problem. It's going to take some time for this stigma to fade.

But enough with the heavy, now I want to take a moment to celebrate!! This is amazing. This country was founded on a desire for freedom to and from religion. There was no need to put a Christian skew on legal marriage. Separation of church and state and all that. Marriage isn't just a Christian thing. It's a people thing for those that desire to be married, and now anyone can enjoy the benefits of a marriage recognized by the government. Say hello to spousal benefits. In the end, love is love. Make love, not war. #marriageequality #loveconquersall

So You're Married, Now What?

Looking back on my posts, I realize I haven't written about marriage in a while so to help balance everything out, here's my thoughts on how to be in marriage :) Disclaimer: marriage is not for everyone (this goes back to my "we are not all cookie cutter people meant to live a cookie cutter life" statement so do you in whatever relationship you choose to have).

Communicate

Communication truly is the end all be all for healthy relationships of every variety. Setting and understanding boundaries and expectations, defining goals and dreams, and discussing life as it is now are all crucial to having a positive relationship experience. If you don't feel comfortable talking about a perceived wrongdoing, you won't be able to work past it and ensure that it doesn't happen again. Roger and I would have the biggest fights ever over the stupidest things when we first got married because we had different expectations from each other. Now we have fights over things that actually matter, and our fights are meaningful discussions that are productive instead of hurtful.

Be Kind

Just be nice. This one sounds the easiest, but it's really not. In the beginning of our marriage, we weren't kind to one another. We were mean and spiteful, and it wasn't helping anyone or anything. We have agreed to new rules of engagement and have a way of dealing with pains now that is nice. Don't take your person for granted, ever. For us, marriage is forever so we're stuck with each other no matter what happens, but that doesn't mean I ever let him think I'm not grateful for him or appreciative of what he does for me. I love compliments so I give a lot of compliments. I also love making sure that he knows he's loved.

Make Time for Each Other

We like to watch a movie or a show while we eat together so that we have a block of uninterrupted cuddle time. We'll also share funny videos and chit chat and what-have-you. We also have pretty regular dates. Now that I work nights and he works days, finding time isn't as easy so we have to make time for each other. You need quality one-on-one time to foster your relationship and check in with one another. We are actually going on a couples' retreat (the military has a lot of these and many are all-expenses paid and free) to get away from the responsibilities for a few days. This is a really valuable thing in your marriage. You need to take time to remember your fun, care-free selves and grow together and have new experiences. Don't stagnate. Try new things together.

These three things are really intertwined so you just need to be in a mindset of care and compassion, and they'll come naturally. As I've said before, you win and lose together so you might as well treat each other well so you don't lose. What helps keep the happiness in your marriage? Anyone have tips and tricks from years of marriage? What fun date night ideas do you have to share?

House Hunting is Exhausting

Husband and I have been working towards moving out of our apartment pretty much since the year started. Let me tell you, it's been slow going.

We've decided to go ahead and buy our first house. We have a lot of pets. That means a lot of pet fees. In addition to the first month's, sometimes last month's, security, deposits, and application fees, we're looking at thousands just to get in the door somewhere. That's pretty not doable for us especially since the only furniture we actually own is an office chair. If we're spending that kind of money, I'd much rather be buying a bed. And so, we're buying.

Now that in and of itself is a somewhat long process. First, you have to get approved for a loan. That took us a couple months to do. Then, once you're approved you have to give your requirements and numbers to your realtor (we were recommended a wonderful realtor so we got to skip that search). Then he/she will gather houses that fit, and then you get to go look. Then you have to narrow it down and work on the paperwork part. Then you have to wait for the closing process. AND THEN you can move in. Or do a little work/deep cleaning if it's a resale instead of new construction.

We have finally gotten to the looking at houses part. We looked at around 7 houses the other day that were all very rentable (we're planning to rent out the house after Roger's contract with the military is up). Only took two hours but it wiped me out. I mostly took pictures of the different kitchens to help me keep them straight, and I wrote notes on each one while we were still in it. I'll be posting tons of pictures once we finally make a decision and get moved in. Until then, it'll be imagination time. Especially since two of our options weren't even completed yet.

But the best part about all of this: our lease with our apartment is up at the end of August, and we should be all moved in just in time! Don't get me wrong, moving in the middle of summer is miserable, and I'll be moving us all by myself again so I'll be pretty exhausted this summer. But it is all so worth it to finally have a backyard for the dogs and a place of our own.

When did you all buy your first houses? What are some of your big milestone stories? Anyone have moving/furniture buying tips?

Fighting in Marriage

Marriage is hard sometimes. Just like life is hard sometimes. But the way I see it, we wouldn't know much of anything if it wasn't for opposites. We wouldn't know day without night. We wouldn't know kindness without cruelty. And we wouldn't know what works without what doesn't. Opposites help us to be aware and appreciate what actually happens in life. One of the most common opposites we have would be the good days and the bad days.

Marriage is like that. The people involved in a marriage have outside factors that can play into whether they are going to have a good marriage day or a bad marriage day. Or even just a mediocre marriage day. Each day is different for a reason, and with two people playing into it, there's a lot more room for variety. But it isn't always easy to remember not to take your spouse for granted if everything is good and perfect all of the time. This by no means is me saying you have to act like a complete douche bag every now and then to make your person appreciate when you're nice. That's abusive and a horrible mentality to have towards the person with whom you have vowed to share your life.

But that's just it. We are trying to share lives as two whole, independent individuals. Two people who have thoughts and dreams and plans of their own. This can lead to some clashing, but the big clashes that can cause the most turmoil are the external ones such as financial stress and familial pressures. The world is a big place for two people to tackle by themselves, and there is a whole heck of a lot that can possibly happen.

So really, when we say that marriage is hard, it's really life that is hard. Tough external variables get brought in and taken out on the person you think will never leave because he/she vowed to stay with you til death should part you, but taking your person for granted is no way to make someone feel loved and wanted. Life is like chess, but you have to make your moves with your spouse in mind. You can't treat your spouse like a pawn to be sacrificed so you can win.

In marriage there isn't one winner and one loser. You win and lose together. You share. And you celebrate the differences that enable you to handle the wider variety of possible situations that comes with having two people to worry about instead of one. Don't let the waters of the external factors into your ship to sink your marriage. I don't know much about ships, but communicating about what is going on to cause your grumpy attitude that day instead of taking it out on your spouse would be like having buckets or whatever is used to keep the water out. Don't let life weigh down your marriage.

What are some ways your person makes you feel appreciated? How do you show your appreciation for your person? Any tips and tricks to share for how to maintain positivity through the storms of life without sacrificing your person?

Round Up: Weddings, Romance, and Love

The Pro Bloggers Tribe is pulling out another round-up with some of our friends! This week is one of my all time favorite topics so I couldn't help but host it myself! From wedding food to romantic love to celebrating Mother's Day with those special women, we have a little bit of everything to get that sentiment flowing. And don't forget to enter into the giveaway! Enjoy!

Weddings

4 Nontraditional Wedding Dresses

Doing Allergy Friendly Wedding Food The Right Way

Marrying Young

Pre-Marriage Rituals: Part One

Wedding Planning 101: Let's Get Organized! (With Free Printable!)

Romance

13 Ways To Know If He's A Keeper

3 Valentine's Day Date Ideas

Couple's Christmas To-Do List

Love

A Rose, is a rose, is a rose.

How I Survived My First Year Of Marriage

Love Yourself! :)

One Simple Tip to Make Mother's Day Meaningful

Red Velvet Cookie Recipe

Bonus!

Why You Will Love Frankincense the Gift of the Magi

Marrying Young

I have seen a lot of articles about young marriage floating around on Facebook. Some have been pro. Some against. Some military specific. None of them ever really defined "young marriage," but it's a term we all just seem to know.

"Young" typically means "having had fewer than some predetermined number of trips around the Sun." And in a lot of situations, that's a pretty good definition. Abilities such as walking, talking, writing, and driving are learned according to our number of years lived. The physical stuff is easy to measure that way, but the mental and emotional side of development isn't so simple. The range of gaining the capacity for abstract thought is years wide. Depending on whose theory you subscribe to, not everyone reaches the highest level of mental development. But it's the mental and emotional aspects that are important when it comes to something as personal as marriage.

My opinion on marriage in general is that it's not for everyone. Monogamy isn't even for everyone. We're not all cookie cutter people who can live the same life of grow up, graduate high school, go to college, get a job, get married, have babies, pay bills, die. And that's okay. We shouldn't all be the same.

What I like about having gotten married at 19 is that we were forced to be grown ups. When you have a spouse, your life isn't all about you and your life experiences. There's a lot of joint decisions and group activities. There's an entire other person in your world you have to consider. Learning how to balance personal growth with family bonding is one of the best experiences out there for people like me. Getting to grow up and grow old with the same person is as exciting as it is challenging.

I can't remember where I heard this, but one of the greatest pieces of advice I've ever received is that marriage is falling in love many times with the same person (if anyone knows where this came from, please tell me in the comments so I can give credit where credit is due). That is especially true when you get married before your brain is done growing. 25 is the general age for when the brain has hit its peak and abstract thought is possible. If that's when it is for me, my husband has 6 years of change and growth to get through before I settle into who I am. That means 6 years of growing up and growing together and rediscovering each other regularly.

If that doesn't force you to make the big decisions about money, goals, children, dreams, and desired lifestyle, I don't know what will. But again, that's for people like me. Getting married at the ripe old age of 19 isn't for everyone. It all depends on where your heart and mind are, not just your body. Truly, age isn't the determining factor for if you married "young" or not.

I married at the exact right time for me. I know people who married younger. I know people who married older. I know people who married more than once. I know people who never married. IT DOESN'T MATTER. Who you are as a person is not determined by your labels. Do you, whoever that may be, and have your happiness. It's that simple. "A flower does not think of competing with the flower next to it. It just blooms." -- Zen Shin

What are your thoughts on young marriage?

Valentine's Day (yuck, I know)

As we all know, Valentine's Day was yesterday. Many of us exchanged the usual gifts: flowers, chocolates, teddy bears. Some fancy dinners were planned and attended. Maybe some movies were watched. But then I know several several ladies who spent this holiday alone. I don't want you all to feel left out or that this post isn't also for you because let me tell you about how my Valentine's Day went.

The night before, Roger and I got into some silly disagreement (a pretty regular occurence as of late, stupid hormones). And because of that, I threw his present at him early which is a no no in his book. Holidays have to be on their respective days whereas I think the whole thing is a money-making scheme. He refused to open his letters until the appropriate days, but the teddy bear was pretty obvious. I didn't sleep much at all that night thanks to my lungs deciding they'd rather misbehave every time I tried to lie down.

Now, it's the big day. VALENTINE'S DAY. Ya, ya, ya. But you know what? I got to sleep in. Roger took the dogs for me so I could nap all day to catch up on my zzz's. He woke me up with a kiss because he read his first letter, the one that said he had to come kiss me (wish I would've known I'd have been sleeping when I wrote it). He asked me if I liked my presents. Sleepy me was very confused. Apparently he snuck in earlier and left them at the foot of the bed. By them, I mean the biggest teddy bear I've ever gotten and the largest heart-shaped box of chocolates he could find. How I was completely oblivious, I have no idea.

Our original plans were fancy dinner and a movie, but thanks to the silly fight, I called that off the day before. My sickness made me grateful for my rash decision. We did get takeout and rewatch a movie on the comfort of our own couch with my favorite puppy cuddles, though. But you know what? That was the best Valentine's Day I've had so far. It may not have been spectacularly expensive or well thought out, but after spending the first two apart, I wouldn't trade it for anything. Third time really was the charm after all.

So now I want to know how you all spent your Valentine's Days. Did you spend yours on the phone with your loved ones or at an extravagant dinner? Did you do something unique? And is anyone with me about holidays being too focused on the gifts, or is everyone on my husband's side?

P.S. For anyone wondering when I'll start posting about my dogs' antics, the next post is exactly what you want to read. And if you need a good laugh, it's worth your time. I promise.