Sharing Your Body With Strangers

Let's talk about fertility. The CDC's website is showing that 12.1% of women in the U.S. are infertile, and 12% of women have used fertility services. That's more than 1 in 10 women and doesn't include the male half of the population. More than likely, you know someone who has had to use fertility services or adoption in order to have the family of which they've always dreamed. So with this many people needing to take advantage of "non-traditional" means of family making, why are some of the options considered taboo? Specifically, I'm talking about donated eggs and surrogacy.

At the end of this week, my baby is going to be 2 months old. That means I have spent a lot of time feeding her and helping her sleep, i.e. I binge watch a LOT of shows (yay sitting around unable to use my hands XD). Thanks to that, I noticed that there are some varying opinions on egg donation and surrogacy in pop culture. 90210 paints egg donation in a negative light. Pretty Little Liars has its character shamefully hiding the fact that she donated her eggs and then used those eggs as part of a devastating plot twist. Glee did have a positive spin on surrogacy so that was a nice change of pace. But still, what is so bad about giving of yourself to help others achieve a family in the manner they desire/require?

I don't understand it. Men donating sperm isn't taboo. The only thing I can think of for why someone could have an issue with egg/uterus donation is because of the more invasive and involved nature of those procedures as opposed to the donation of sperm, but even if that is the problem, if someone is fully willing to undergo such procedures, it should be celebrated!

I was unable to donate my eggs due to genetic health issues, but I have every intention of becoming a surrogate when we're done having babies of our own. So tell me, what is your take on sharing your body with strangers? Would you do it? Would you be okay with your friend/family/significant other doing it? Why or why not?

Should Appearances Matter? A Tale of Piercings and Tattoos

Body modification is one of those things that I feel passionately about. I think it's an amazing way to make a statement, cherish a memory, or even just become more comfortable and confident in who you are and who you want to be. On the flip side of that, if it's not your thing, that's just fine, too. But that doesn't give you the right to judge or demean those of us who do like piercings and tattoos.

To the topic at hand, I actually wrote a paper on body modification and why it is slowly becoming the next body project for our society. In another generation or two, it's going to be incredibly commonplace for someone to have a non-ear lobe piercing or a visible tattoo.

Believe it or not, I actually have a tattoo on my neck. When I wear my hair down, no one ever sees it. I actually surprise people when I pull my hair up and then explain that I have piercings and another tattoo and plans for more in the future. I guess I don't fit the stereotype.
Now why does this matter? Honestly, it shouldn't. There shouldn't be a stigma, and we shouldn't care so much about what other people are doing with their bodies. But the good news is you shouldn't let the opinions of others sway you from getting what you want since you would be helping the movement, and it won't be viewed as negatively soon (relatively speaking, of course).

This is another one of those "be the change you want to see in the world" moments. Whether that means finally taking the plunge and getting addicted to the adrenaline rush known as new ink or by simply being open-minded to the appearances of others, let's work together to create a society of acceptance instead of one where we live according to our differences. There is no need to tear others down for being different. Let's all build everyone up instead and all achieve our hearts' desires.

Do you have any piercings or tattoos? What is your opinion on ink in the workplace?

"I Identify as a Bird. Where are My Wings?"

As many of you know, I am of a certain opinion about being transgender. While having a debate/argument about what it takes to be a woman, I was faced with the argument "I identify as a bird. Where are my wings?" Here is my hopefully not long-winded response.

Genetics Don't Equal Identity

I stumbled across a post explaining that you can't be a real woman if you haven't experienced periods, miscarriage, and/or childbirth. I find this argument to be degrading. So because I may or may not actually have children of my own, you're telling me I'm not a real woman? My value and worthiness is strictly tied to the status and abilities of my uterus? I think not. 

I would like to reiterate that gender is not necessarily determined by one's biological sex. This is to say that what your genetics have to say doesn't really have to tell you who you are allowed to be. In addition, biological sex isn't a binary to begin with. Intersex is a thing. But once again, it doesn't really matter what your genitalia qualifies as, your spirit is its own entity.

Your Body and Your Soul are Not a Single Entity

I heard it best explained while in attendance of a Mormon church: your body is like the glove for your soul. Your soul is who you are. Your protective encasement is not. It is possible for you to feel in conflict with your body. Body image struggles are not uncommon.

I believe everyone has the right to feel comfortable in your own skin no matter how you choose to personalize it. For instance, I am really into body modification (a post for another time). I crave outward expression of my love for family and sparkles. I choose to personalize my glove in this way to better suit my soul.

You are the Only One who has the Right to Choose Your Labels

No one should EVER be forced to live within the constraints of a box chosen without his/her consent and approval. Growing up I was labelled as the smart kid. The smart kid stereotype comes with several shackles I have since thrown off, but throughout my junior high-high school years I struggled with finding myself outside of that box. Not being allowed to explore and choose my own labels that I could resonate with was stunting to say the least. And your DNA, your own body, should be the last thing to make decisions for you with which you have no peace.

Transgender suicide rates are ridiculously disproportionate. I think it is because there is a mindset that says your labels decide who your soul is allowed to be instead of allowing our souls to choose our labels (or even choosing to go without).

This was a pretty roundabout way of saying that just because someone who was born with the XY chromosome pairing wants to identify as a woman and undergo surgeries to make her glove more comfortable for her soul doesn't mean she should be constrained by her genetics. None of us are.

So where are your wings? Changing species isn't within the realm of possible. Choosing to follow where your heart leads you and finding your happiness is. Choosing to be imperfectly, humanly you is. Choosing to simply acknowledge and be who you were born to be is.

I don't know about you, but my wings are going to be permanently inked into my skin, and one day I will fly around this world to experience all that life has to offer. There are more important things than trying to force any and everything into boxes and making the people who want to pick their own boxes feel like death is a better alternative. Live and let live.

Same-Sex Marriage is Finally Legal!!!

Woohoo!! Same-sex marriage is legal in all 50 states! Not gonna lie, I definitely didn't think that would be happening anytime soon. I wasn't really even sure it would happen in my lifetime. Pleasantly surprised is an incredible understatement.

I know there is a lot of focus on the political ramifications, and there is some mud-slinging going on (President Obama's 2008 opinion on same-sex marriage anyone?). But I want to focus on the most important part of this: the people. There are so many lives that are impacted by this decision, but there is still a lot of fear. Similar to when suffrage was extended to the black community and people were too scared for their lives to risk voting, there is some discrimination and hatred being shown towards the LBGTQIA+ community choosing to get married, and that's a problem. It's going to take some time for this stigma to fade.

But enough with the heavy, now I want to take a moment to celebrate!! This is amazing. This country was founded on a desire for freedom to and from religion. There was no need to put a Christian skew on legal marriage. Separation of church and state and all that. Marriage isn't just a Christian thing. It's a people thing for those that desire to be married, and now anyone can enjoy the benefits of a marriage recognized by the government. Say hello to spousal benefits. In the end, love is love. Make love, not war. #marriageequality #loveconquersall

What's Up With Female Nipples?

There are two movements going on that I'd like to discuss today: breastfeeding in public and "Free the Nipple." Now in my mind, these two are one in the same and really all just segments of an even bigger movement. FREETHENIPPLE on Instagram has some incredibly poignant pictures and quotes regarding the Women's Rights Movement, and nearly all of the pictures on this post you can find there. I am not advertising for the movie (I haven't even seen the movie), but I would like to say I am advocating for something that is near and dear to me: women.

What's the inherent issue with breastfeeding in public? Indecency, exposure, corrupting youth with "pornographic" visuals. Because feeding a hungry child is indecent. Because nipples are always sexual. I don't see anyone throwing shade at men's nipples. What about if you're transgender? Are those nipples then male or female? Does it really even matter?

Going off the idea that the sexualization of the nipple is why breastfeeding in public is bad, that in my mind shows the link between Free the Nipple and breastfeeding. Sexualization of a part of the body that doesn't have to be is what's causing the problem. Butts are everywhere because they don't have to be sexualized. They can be if the situation calls for it, but you can plaster those things all over Facebook without any issues. But if you dare to put a FEMALE nipple up? You've called down the wrath of the Facebook police. How ridiculous and sexist is that?

 Women are taught to be ashamed of our bodies from day one. Dress codes that only apply to girls anyone? Or only certain girls? For example, I wore shorts to work one day. I was asked to go home because my shorts were too short. Next day, several other girls are wearing shorts, some shorter than mine were. No one was asked to go home. Why should I have been punished? It gets hot. Sorry I didn't feel like shaving that day. Or maybe my legs were too white. I don't know.

Men's nipples were actually still considered shameful until about 80 years ago. Men, whose nipples don't feed children, can be out in the open, but we can't flash a nip whether for feeding or because we're at the beach. Why are we still stuck in the 20th century with female nipples?

Let's get some equality going on for us. Let's all be people instead of just our genitalia. Let's all be worthwhile and respected simply because we are living organisms. Let's be just as safe as the next person because we're all people. Let's get the women's rights movement going strong again instead of continuing to stagnate.

What's your opinion on "Free the Nipple"? What's your opinion on breastfeeding in public? What do you think it will take to finally get true and complete equality across the gender spectrum?

On Caitlyn Jenner and Society

Here we go. The post to start the storm. I'm going to really try to stay unemotional through this, but I'm an empath. Me being unemotional is a huge joke. This is just one of those things that I feel very deeply for (well, really, it's just a part of the one thing I feel very deeply for: life of sentient beings). Just to outline what's going down in this post and to give you a heads up to run away if you'd like, my discussion - and I do mean DISCUSSION - for today will cover transgender as a "mental disorder," transgender and religion, and a blurb of my and some others' opinions on the whole thing.

Transgender as a "Mental Disorder"

I can't remember now where I saw it, but there was an argument claiming that transgender is a mental disorder and not a real state of being on the gender scale. P.S. it's not a gender binary with only two choices and that's it. But anywho, I am not a psychologist/neuropsychologist/or any type of scientist to dispute whether that is or isn't the case. Instead, let's pretend that it is in fact a mental disorder (I in no way believe it is, but for the sake of the point I'm wanting to make, let's pretend).

For a year and a half, I worked at a crisis hotline where I listened to people tell me about how torn up they were by their depression or sexual identity crises or scizophrenic episodes. There are support groups and counselors and some acceptance for these issues. Where is that for the transgender people? No where. It's immensely stigmatized and shoved deep into the closet to hide with the skeletons instead.

So many suicides have happened that we have finally realized the value of adding happiness and hope in life to those who are struggling with depression or anxiety or whatever other mental disorders. How many more transgender suicides have to happen before we'll see the value of adding happiness and hope in their lives as well? Better question, why does it matter who is committing suicide? Why can't we add happiness and hope to all life?

Transgender and Religion

If your argument for why Caitlyn Jenner is disgusting rests solely in your Christian beliefs, then please break it down for me advanced Barney style because I don't get it. She's a person. Love thy neighbor and all that. And don't be disrespectful by purposefully using the opposite gender pronouns from what she has asked to be used.

Now how about how we're all perfectly and wonderfully made in His image? You can't tell me God isn't some kind of intersex person with the entire range of gender. Who is to say that a transgender person is a mistake? God has to have in his possession both male and female everything if we are all to have been made in His image.

Now I'm sure there is also going to be some sexual identity arguments thrown in here though they are separate things and I'd rather focus on the gender identity part. But let's go ahead and humor the sexual arguments. Where in the New Testament does God say that homosexual marriage is wrong? He talks a lot about how you shouldn't lie with a man like with a woman out of lust and thinking that won't count as an affair. There was a great YouTube video over this, and I wish I could find it again to post it here.

Now Back to Caitlyn Jenner

Do I think Caitlyn Jenner making the transition should be this big of a deal? No. But that's because I think it shouldn't matter what other people are doing with their lives if it is in no way infringing upon the rights and personal safety of another. So she got a surgery to be happier with life and more comfortable in her own skin. She wouldn't be the first person to do that. Breast implants or lap bands anyone?

As for all the shade thrown at Drake Bell and everyone screaming bloody murder because Caitlyn isn't a war hero, why can't all of that be separate? Why do we have to measure and weigh each instance against each other? Caitlyn Jenner got a surgery and is now a pretty strong face for the transgender community. Drake Bell is now getting death threats because of a transphobic comment; it shouldn't matter why or what he did, it shouldn't be happening. Our military is amazing. I'm married to a Marine for crying out loud. But an occupation is a separate thing entirely from gender identity. Tying this back to religion, aren't all "sins" equal and none are greater than another? Why then are different aspects of life getting compared like apples to coffee tables?

Here is some great additional reading that I am absolutely in love with. My main opinion over this controversy is it shouldn't take a celebrity to make something real. We should just care about all people no matter what simply because they are people. But Jon Stewart hit the nail right on the head with how Caitlyn is now getting treated and helps to bring up an amazing point about misogyny. "It's really heartening to see that everyone is willing to not only accept Caitlyn Jenner as a woman, but to waste no time in treating her like a woman." - Jon. Hello objectification and only being worth your appearance.

And lastly, here is a great video from a girl I used to be much closer to. Kait has some great points about transphobia, and I love how far she has come in her own personal journey as a bisexual woman.

Hateful comments will be deleted. If you can't have a mature discussion, please don't comment. We're all adults and should be able to enunciate our points with a logical reason to back up what we're saying instead of just slinging stinky opinions. If you have any questions about where exactly I stand on any issue, just ask. I'll tell you. This blog post obviously could have gone on for quite a bit longer so if it feels like anything is missing or lacking clarification, let me know, and I'll fill in the gaps. AND if you like what you see and want to see some more from fellow feminist bloggers on the web, check out this awesome linkup!!!